..."One of the last visions I received that evening was of a baobab tree off in the distance and perched high upon it was a bird and as I looked deeper I realized it was a phoenix with the rising sun behind it. The Phoenix visions were a sign to me that my old self had died and that I had been reborn."...
A Mother's Iboga Journey...
The years and months leading up to my Iboga healing were hard. I had a “successful” career and “looked” good but a day in my life was filled with addiction, fear, depression, anxiety and panic. How I was “managing” that was to take an anxiety pill when I woke up, and again in a few hours when either the first one wore off or when I was shaking & convulsing directly submerged in a full on panic attack. I’d come home, drink a whole bunch, smoke some weed, and finally pass out late at night.
The doctors and therapists wanted me to try different pills to control my anxiety and talk it out. Unfortunately that only covered over and further suppressed my feelings. I ended up in an emergency room every six months via ambulance because I thought I was having a heart attack and dying when in reality it was panic disorder. I had no hope. I was so depressed that suicide or divorce seemed like the answer.
My son, Noah, told me about an event taking place where there was an African tribe who uses a sacred root to help people heal, and that it was also known to help with addiction and depression. What did I have to lose, he convinced me… because I wasn’t truly living anyway.
So, I traveled to meet up with this tribe and see what it was about and desperate to receive healing. Upon meeting the shaman or the NGanga, as the African tradition says, the healer spoke about the sacred root Iboga and the Bwiti. And how this journey would help us face our deepest truths and selves. That we would journey together but each person’s visions and lessons would be unique to their own healing and he would help guide us.
A requirement was that we had to do the work. To be honest with ourselves and to present to the Bwiti our what And why. Also, that I would need to not smoke, drink, or take drugs for the three days prior to working with the sacred root.
So for three days I am filled with excitement and hope for how this could finally set me free. Also, I am filled with fear and anxiety and literally shaking from withdrawal. As I lay in a hammock under the beautiful stars I already feel the bwiti energy starting to work on me and I get visions of a phoenix crumbling into ash.
During the three evenings prior to the ceremony I am in a ball on the beach facing my fears, my anxiety, and breathing through it with my son holding me as I cried that I was so scared and panic was all around. But I stayed the course, with Noah‘s encouragement, and because somewhere deep down I knew that this was life or death for me and that if I did not get help I would surely die. It was no way to live. If you could even call it living. And as I learned, Iboga forces you to face your issues head on but also gives you strength and support to do it successfully.
The evening before the ceremony I knew I would need to wake up at 4 AM to get in line to secure my spot in the next days healing session. Upon waking, I was so tired and thought maybe I could just close my eyes and go back to sleep for a little while. And as I had that thought, a large palm frond falls from the tree above me and hits my legs and hammock almost knocking me out of it. Again, the Bwiti energy was already preparing me and working with me. I got up to find that I was the first person in line and able to secure one of the last four spots available.
After the ceremony I knew I had been transformed. That the information I received about myself helped me. I felt cellularly and molecularly rearranged. With new life to live. Rewired. The Iboga showed me things that I may have never discovered in conventional therapy. I realized how brave I was. I had no desire to smoke drink or harm myself in any way.
It was clear I wasn’t living aligned with my soul purpose and that when I got home I would need to make changes to honor myself and live the life that would bring agreement and an alliance to my highest self. And, so I did.
One of the last visions I received that evening was of a baobab tree off in the distance and perched high upon it was a bird and as I looked deeper I realized it was a phoenix with the rising sun behind it. The Phoenix visions were a sign to me that my old self had died and that I had been reborn.
I am so grateful to the Bwiti and Iboga for I am depression and panic free, addiction free, and I am now living a life that is filled with truth, purpose, gratitude and joy. I’m not divorced and I certainly have no intentions of taking my life. Iboga supported me and helped me face my deepest truths and changed my life completely. Bwakaye!!!"
